Sunday, June 15, 2014

Father's Day 2014

G'day Everyone and Readers:

Today is Father's day 2014.

While many families celebrate their living father or mourn for their dad who died, it is a reason to cheer for these men. These are men, who gave their sperm to their wife to bear them a child which earns them the right to be called "Father".

It is a noble title that belongs for them.

However, there are several times in my life when I nearly have given a woman my sperm to bear a child for me. At one point, it would have looked like I would be a Dad (Father). Unfortunately, it didn't happen.

Maybe it's an omen. Maybe not.

In the past years, there were times that I've carefully made love to a woman. I know they were doing their damn best to make me get them pregnant. But, my father's own words rang in my ears: Don't fuck a woman if you don't have a job. (Meaning, don't produce a baby with a woman if you can't afford to raise it without a job).

Unfortunately, the words of wisdom became my parents own downfall when they said it as I became Bi sexual and later gay. My mom blamed my dad who regretted what he said to me.

In their later lives, they wished for children from me and wanting to see the next line growing up.

But fate dealt them with the worst of the worst times.

In my 20s and 30s, I made an effort to have a relationship with a woman. I still love the first hearing lady I grew up with in high school. But a deaf pastor's influence on me bade me to love a deaf girl. As I was leaning and learning the deaf world, I broke her heart in the worst way possible and she nearly died by suicide of her own choice.

But that first deaf pastor, who bade me to marry a deaf girl, had plans to screw up God's plans for me.
Every time I loved a deaf woman and wanted to marry her, he would find a way to turn her against me. I was engaged to a woman twice.  Both were destroyed by this deaf pastor.

When I knew this was no man of God at all, I took it in prayer. Upon my 3rd engagement to a woman, I told this deaf pastor: "If you turn this woman against me, I will not fall quietly. I will destroy you!".  He laughed. "You couldn't destroy me like a worm you are".

But his boast turned to fear and his own career destruction when God used me and a group of men who filed a complaint with the hearing pastor. After an investigation, the deaf pastor was fired, but the hearing pastor would not allow the proof of misdeeds fall into the hands of the police and destroyed it.  Because our hearing pastor wanted his fancy church one day. He has his fancy church.

The former deaf pastor has lived his life quietly and watched his children produce grand children. But does he ever regret of what he's done to me?  Does he?  NO. He will answer to God one day for his crimes. That's the conditional forgiveness for the want of justice. This former deaf pastor shouldn't be a father for the crimes he's done to me and others. He shouldn't be enjoying his life.

Another deaf pastor took revenge upon me for the former deaf pastor's sake. He destroyed my last (4th) engagement to a girl I loved. A woman who was changing my life into something better. But the deaf pastor's involvement destroyed that change.  The break up of a woman from my life nearly killed me. But now, the deaf pastor knows he should not have done it. The deaf pastor is aware the he will stand trial for his crime of stealing my engaged girlfriend from me in front of God's court one day. Would his family be ripped apart from him for my sake? Maybe. But I also give him the conditional forgiveness that deaf pastor stands before God one day. GUILT will be his own undoing.

Over all the years, do I regret of what I am?  No. The years that I've wanted to love a woman, have a child, and being a father were the greatest things that mattered to me in my life. Because I wanted to please my own dad and show the next generation to him from me. A HEARING generation if possible.
I knew the costs of raising a kid, having a family, and the job of being a father. I wanted that. Because of the stupid deaf pastors, I lost that opportunity.  I have never experienced the love of a woman ever again.

When I explained this to these two deaf pastors, they don't get the big picture. They were too busy looking at my sin: My bi-sexual/gay life.  It became a stumbling block in their own eyes. One day, when God shows them the bigger picture of my early life, how red faced will they be?  Redder than a tomato that can blush very hard it would burst to bits. They will wish they had not done of what they did.

Today, I may be single, but I hope to find someone who will be my partner. I don't trust a woman and I don't trust a pastor (hearing or deaf).  I lost the joy of wanting a family.

In these economic times, I couldn't bear myself to raise a family. 10-20 years ago, I would have said YES to a woman and having a child in my life. It would be the last opportunity for me to have something that says I'm leaving a child behind me to continue the family line when I pass on.

But now that will not happen. I regret these deaf pastors. Do I regret being a christian and being saved? NO.  But do I regret being what I am, sexually? Yes.
Today I have no wife and no kids. It makes me sad.  Thanks to those deaf pastors who ruined my chances. Today would be a day that I've go to the grave of my dad, clear up the flowers, and tell him how much I loved my dad.

My dad had many regrets in his life. My parents were afraid that a girl too soon in my life would destroy my chances for a normal life.Near the close of my dad's life, my father once said that he would have taken back what he said if it would have given me my first sexual experience with a woman than with a guy. Maybe it would have changed the path of my life. But then he realized and told me to be with the guy I loved in my life.

Sadly, the person that I once had was nothing more than a fuck buddy. Even the first boyfriend I had, he and I were split up in our lives too by an evil deaf ministry.

Today, some times I still find myself being Bi-sexual when I find a women I like. But I want nothing with them any more. God would have to bring me a woman determined to win my trust for her. To show me that she would give herself to me and that no man would deny her that right.

So let me tell you, my dear male friends and readers: Fight for your girlfriend. Fight for the right to have your family. Fight for your right to raise that child because you gave that life for those children. You earned the right to be called a dad (father). It is that God given right to you because of your love for a wife. If a pastor (hearing or deaf) doesn't respect or recognize that you are a Dad (Father) of a child that is yours, then leave that pastor. Leave his church. Your faith should be in God and God alone. Man of your family that you lead.

For every one that is a Father to a kid(s), a man of the family, a defender of the faith of his family, and a husband to his wife: May God bless you on this Father's day. Congratulations to those who hold the title of DAD!

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