against the deafness.about.com post!

G'day everyone!

I'm mad and I'm mad about child abuse. Especially when a parent get doctor's advice to FORCE a young kid to wear a CI! Read the Deafness.about. com post and judge for yourself:
http://deafness.about.com/b/2009/08/10/possibly-traumatized-4-year-old-wont-wear-implants.htm

So now you read that post. I'm going to say a big salute to this SMART 4 year old boy for doing the right thing, REJECTING the cochlear implant (CI) that was forced on him. Worried mother has every right to be worried now. She's done a huge mistake as a parent and not being patient with her kid. Forcing a kid to wear a CI is like trying to hope a forced treatment will lead to a normal hearing life. NOT ALWAYS! I say to "worried mother" of this advice: back away from forced wearing of the CI on your kid. Introduce him to deaf friends who know sign language. Show him those that accept CI. But respect him from now on. Your kid is already in a defensive mode for the rest of his life because he's afraid of what someone else is going to do to his body.
It's going to take time and counseling to help this kid to sort out his damaged feelings.

I look back on my own life. I was 4 years old when my parents discovered I was deaf. At the time, hearing aids were the best ideal use. I tickled and laughed when my ears were first filled for the ear molds. About 2 weeks later, I was roughly held by my head and forced to wear the hearing aids. When they were turned on, I was greeted by sounds that I could not understand.
In 30 seconds, I ripped both of them out of my ears and threw them across the room. The nurse made a diving catch for them. I was held down and the hearing aids were forced back in.
By that time, my loving dad was roaring at me and saying "KEEP THE DAMN HEARING AIDS IN YOUR EAR" loudly. I screamed so loud that I ripped the hearing aids off again.

Possibly Traumatized like the 4 year old? I was definitely traumatized. My parents only tried it one more time and then quit. I was punished and locked in my room with only my toys to play with. But then one day, they took me to a place and they locked me in my room with NOTHING but the hearing aids. I was being given a choice. I was held in a room for 8 hours a day. No potty breaks, nothing. This went on for about a week. Finally on the 8th day, in a mean mood, I finally put on the hearing aids. I was praised and treated like royalty. But punished the moment we got home because I tried to ditch the hearing aids into the toilet! My mom caught me in the act of it.

In the years of growing up. I took every opportunity to take off my hearing aid and remind my folks that I'm deaf. I was punished for it and forced to wear my hearing aid. I fought back to say "I'm deaf and you can't take that away from me". But the only thing that they did take away from me was forcing me to becoming the first deaf mainstream kid that would graduate from Fairport High School. Some dream of theirs.

After my choice for NTID, my parents and I grew apart. I plunged into the deaf world that I had to learn by trial and error. Yes, I got hurt by a lot of people within the deaf community. It was not easy life to learn the deaf culture when you spent all your years with the hearing community.

In the past times of reflections that I had with my mom, she asked me this: " Would it have made a difference in you if you went to a deaf school?". I told her right back and said " It would have made a hell of a difference in my life to have Deaf friends a lot more than hearing friends!" .
I asked her WHY, as parents, not to let me go to a deaf school when MSSD would have accepted me? They said that they loved me too much to be out of their sight and so far away.

Well, there is such a thing as overkill of love and forcing hearing aids on someone. I was never given counseling for the trauma that I went through. But, I made my peace to wear my hearing aid now because it became my choice and my acceptance. But when I take my hearing aid off and embrace the quiet world that I have grown up with, I feel all right with myself. The feeling that a small victory that is mine, as an adult, to wear the hearing aid WHEN I CHOOSE AND WANT TO. NOT WHEN I'M FORCED TO.

I hope worried mother will take the road of love and patience from now on. She has to let her son be in control now. She has to rebuild her trust with him. Build it with Sign Language. Give him all the time in the world and show him love. When he comes to his acceptance of his CI, he'll put it on. Only then when he WANTS to hear and learn with it, he will say so. NOT when he is forced to do so.

My prayer is with this kid. The mother and the doctors picked a poor battle that they can't win. Even when the moment they decided on the CI.
Just the same as my parents. They picked a wrong battle and have lost ever since. They know it. Worried mom knows it already. So do many parents of CI kids. They one thing they should do is accept defeat and tell their kids every day "Love and accept them for what they are (being deaf as God made and intended of) and forgive their parents for the mistakes they made". That is the only path of compassion that they can offer to a troubled kid with a forced CI.

Semper FI.