Surviving the Spiritual Abuse of your church.

G'day Everyone.

A good friend of mine the other night made me realize something and while it's related to the previous posts, I had to post this today.

Let me say this: I am a SURVIVOR of SPIRITUAL ABUSE!! I know this and God knows it as well.
I have survived what two deaf pastors have done grave damage to my personal life.
But I have, as a victim twice and now come out to tell the world and tell those who are being abused in their church (hearing or deaf) that there is freedom for them and save their own souls.

However, I mourn for the relationships of friends I once had of those who were turned against me. I can't fault or blame them because they are victims as well.
I also mourn for the personal relationships I once had of those of who I loved: Every day I pray for the women who I wanted to marry because I asked God daily to bless them and take care of them. Even though they got other husbands now, they were turned against me. They have been victimized by the pastor they think they can trust but it's betrayal.

I have been praying the most for my first (and maybe my last) boyfriend I once had. He was tricked when many people in the abuser's deaf ministry told him that I had found someone else which was a very bad lie. I would later find out that a gay man, who was HIV Poz, lied to my boyfriend that he was HIV Negative (meaning he is NOT HIV POZ). The result is that my former boyfriend is living with HIV POZ and is so very angry with the world and with everyone around him. He is also a victim of Spiritual abuse as well. When I last talked to him, he was still very angry with the world and with Christians who used him.

Presently, I can't go to a deaf church or deaf fellowship without feeling that someone is going to be attacking me for my belief, my faith, and my own personal life that I have. So a good christian friend, that I have in my life, takes up the responsibility to bring me to a deaf fellowship and closely watches for signs of an attacker that could hit me. The last deaf fellowship was a very good experience.
But the feeling of someone attacking me for my belief, faith, and my personal life will never go away.
I can barely pick up my own bible for personal reading.

Why do I post this today? Given to all the events that are happening in the deaf ministries today and on the social sites, Deaf Christians need to be aware that some times their own deaf pastor has gone power mad. Some Deaf  Christians don't want to believe it can happen to their own pastor, even if they pray for him daily.

The truth is: It can happen! It has happened to me: TWICE! I am a SURVIVOR of 2 abusive deaf pastors. The first deaf pastor I had for 12 years was a very charming man. But it took a group of us to show to the hearing pastor of our church of what was going on. The deaf pastor was investigated. He was found to have SERIOUS problems. Rather than going to the police, the deaf pastor was fired.
Sadly, it was quite clear: the abuser made sure that nobody would be the next deaf pastor after him and had made sure the hearing ministry would not allow it. It was a poison pill effect of his own making. I realized my deaf ministry back then would never recover. I also realized that I needed to leave and recover myself.
To this day, I have never been the same person than when I was 22. That is to say that an entire deaf ministry has been victimized.

The second deaf pastor of whom I considered him a friend, but NOT MY PASTOR. He thinks that he has a right to discipline any one outside his deaf church and is a christian. That's a very fatal mistake of which he's done to me.  So I've been victimized twice in my life.

While I may not want justice on this earth for these men, I rather want these men to face God himself for what they done, not only just to me, but to many other victims of the past and present.

That's where today I want people to realize themselves of the kind of church/ministry they are in.
The times have changed and it's clear of what's happening among deaf and hearing church / ministry.

There are two articles that my good friends have provided me:

Ten ways to spot Spiritual Abuse by Mary Demuth.

What is Spiritual Abuse?

Of the 2nd article, I suggest you click on the link to see some of the more signs of spiritual abuse in that article before you read the entire article.

The last 11 years of my life has been rough after the attack by the 2nd deaf pastor. But I have found out that I am NOT alone. Will I recover? Maybe. Maybe not. People tell me I *MUST* forgive the deaf pastors who abused me. But that's really personal for people to say, even for a victim to hear like me. Most victims (as I do) will want justice in their lives and only God can provide that justice.

What makes me realize the most is that both deaf pastors that I've faced in my life will never apologize for what they done to me and many victims. Why?  It's their pride.

But will they learn that they have made mistakes of their lives? I don't know. Unless they don't come to terms that God is no longer using them, then they got serious trouble coming.

The biggest trouble when the Day of Judgement hits for all of us (saved and unsaved).

 If you are a Deaf pastor,  Deaf missionary, Deaf evangelist, or even a Deaf lay worker, I hope you will a moment to step back in your life and hopefully God will open your eyes to the two articles and see yourself of who you are and what you are doing now. Hopefully you are not an abuser. But if it will teach you to realize in your life to recognize that there are victims out there. These victims will NOT be silent now. But they need to be prayed for, not yelled at to keep silence.

The most gravest and bravest moment that a deaf or hearing pastor (the abuser) must face is himself in front of all of his victims. He must ask for their forgiveness (PERSONALLY) and telling his victims he is sorry for what he's done to them. Even if means losing his job as a pastor, that is something that he must accept. In some cases, it leads to a legal risk. But to admit is that he is asking for help in his own life as well by asking for forgiveness personally.

However, another man can't say: " I take the abuser's sins, put his sins upon me, and ask you to forgive me for him!" . I say to this very man I once saw him do long ago: Don't do it. It validates that there is proof of criminal activity has happened by this abuser and it would say that you committed the same crime as well.

For me,  I have to live with these scars (both physical, emotional, and spiritual) in my life daily.
I have to content with myself now in the life of a prayer warrior.
Even if a church pastor (hearing or deaf) were to invite me to join his church ministry, it is best to say: make friends with me first before I can take a step back into the ministry. The risk of someone attacking me will always be there.
I have forgiven my abusers, but putting them in the Hand of God for judgement is the best that any victim can do.

Maybe I will find someone some day and be married. But it won't be the same joy that I once had when I was younger. Marriage is a position of trust. Love. The person that wants to be my partner is that person's choice.
 For now, I'm content that I am single.

For any pastor (hearing or deaf) out there should pay attention now. Take some vacation time away from your church/ministry. For an evangelist and Missionary, get off the field for a while.

Why?

Take some time alone. Rebuild your faith. Realize why God called you to be a pastor, evangelist, missionary. Realize that you may be on a power trip or power craze. Get some stability in yourself.

Realize the fact that you may have abused someone in a position of trust.  You need to be willing to face the victim and try to help the victim to understand why you did the abuse to them.

Don't forget your family too. Especially your wife. Your wife and your family will be witnesses for what you have done.

My prayer today is for all victims and abusers. We all need to ask forgiveness. We all need to heal. But we all need God's justice to settle these problems once and for all. 

In closing of my final word: Pastors, missionary, evangelists and lay people: HELP STOP THE SPIRITUAL ABUSE NOW!