G'day Everyone.
I thought I would introduce a topic that needs to be said. It's called "END OF LIFE" plan.
Yes, this is somber thoughts that I am writing here. But it needs to be said. Why do I say it for this post?
In the last few years, I know some good friends of mine have passed away. The recent friend was Steven J. Worrell. Problem is, his family only told those who knew them personally and saw them often. But the list of Steven Worrell's friends is very extensive and what happened was more like a grapevine effect of passing out "the notice" to everyone as fast as possible across the Internet world. The effect has been very rapid reactions to Steven Worrell's passing. Steven Worrell touched a lot of lives. But we all didn't think he would die sooner. Right now, we are all coming to grips with his passing and the coming memorial service later this week.
So, I thought of this: "End of Life Plan" in the last few days. It's a plan of who I want notified (ASAP) and who I want told to be informed of my passing. Then it's to make sure who comes to my funeral because I don't want anyone left out and in grief of me. The grapevine effect isn't much better compared to the personal notification that should happen. It's made of a little black book that lists email addresses, text addresses, and VP phone numbers (yes, someone will have to use relay call to do it).
I do have a lot of friends, but given to how my family isn't so related or like the deaf community lately (save for my dad that had a change of heart before he died), I need to put this plan into the hands of someone I can trust with my wishes for when I pass away. It what I'm wanting to do to see things done right. But who do I depend on lately? Don't know as of yet. Prayerfully, I will find the right person as soon as I can.
On another topic: Secret lovers/close friends. I had to introduce this serious topic because of the effect happens on them when you pass away.
I need to make something clear. Don't keep any secret lovers or partners from your family or friends. I ask you to put yourself in your secret lover/close friend's shoes. Imagine the impact will happen to them when you die. You may feel like you are taking "a big secret" to the grave for your sake, but it's your room or your computer or anything personal that will reveal your lover or partner later. It can happen! Don't put them in this position.
My dad told me before he died that he was aware that I have a gay lover of many years. He knows that back in 1984 when he caught me in bed with my gay friend, he was angry that I was gay. It was not the way I wanted that to come out to him. He knows he told me to break up friendship with my gay friend because he didn't want a gay son. But, he knew that I was still seeing this gay friend very secretly behind my parents' back for many years since 1984. He said that he was proud that I truly loved someone. He knew I didn't give up on someone I really loved. He wanted my gay friend to come to his funeral and support me. But I didn't bring my lover to his funeral because of my mom. I didn't know what kind of an impact on her it might have. But I know my dad was right and I should have. He knows some one would be there to support me when I needed it.
But now I'm coming to a point in my life of which I'm not going to hide any more private secrets from my friends or my family. Yes, I love my close gay friend. He has been my lover for many years. Question is, is he ready to come out and show himself or will he retreat back into that closet of his and remain there till he dies? Would he be filled with regret in the after death of not coming out? yes.
So what am I telling you to come out there with your own secret lover/partner: Don't be secret for so long. It may be OK when you are young in your life. But when you are older, like beyond the age of 40's, don't keep the relationship a secret. Not only it will hurt you, but hurt the one you love. It is harder to grieve at the funeral.
So listen to me. I am gay. I love another gay man in my life. If you don't like me for what I say or for who I am, then I tell you that there's other blogs out there for you to read around the Internet. The blog sphere is very diverse of many people and different backgrounds. There are many gay, lesbian, bi, and straight blog writers out there. I am just not alone. But, I'm not going to let some one, who I love very much, grieve for me very privately just because we have a personal and gay relationship. No, I'm going to let my family and friends know who he is. I want him to be himself with no restraints. I love him as much as he loves me.
So let me be clear. Don't keep your secret lover/ close friends hidden from others in your life. Let your family and friends know about the person so that they can help them when you die. Take time to live together with your secret lover/ close friend in your life. Remember, the greatest moment comes is when you die in his or her arms and that you are going home loved by some one that has made a special in your life. Grief for a friend should be open, not hidden. Nobody should have to be burdened in their life with a secret to carry with them to their own grave by saying: "I loved this person secretly and he lived a life like he was a near perfect person to others. It's not fair".
Make it fair. Be fair. Right now. Make it peaceful for everyone. God knows who's your secret lover/close friend. Let people know.
Semper FI.
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