Well, it's been a long haul for me. I have not written much in my blog lately despite a lot of people ask me to write more articles. I just haven't done that lately. Lately I'm in the midst of celebrating birthdays in my family. Mine was just days ago.
However, I had some quiet time last weekend with a friend of mine. I'm not going to say what we talked about other than forming a stronger friendship for our sakes.
While on the drive back home, I stopped at a restaurant on a mountain side area and felt something that I haven't felt in ages. Life coming to a full circle for myself. What seems like life going out of my control in 1982 has finally returned to my control at the present. It seems that it's no longer that people can decide for me when I can decide for myself again. It was one of the best feelings I've had in years.
But on the side of sadness, I look back at the amount of "destruction" that people have done to me and what I've tried to undo but yet gets destroyed again by others. I've been looking at pictures of people I've loved, the "friends" in the church ministry I've had, and realized how much time and energy consumed the amount of rage I've had to control for many years.
That rage has now gone kaput a few week ago. So, I turned a corner of a garden I have into a little memorial space for friends and g/fs (few b/fs) I've loved and lost and want to remember of.
In some ways, I can forgive these people of my old deaf church ministry who sought to control my life for their benefit. But it's them that forget we are all individual people who are controlled by God and that we all are to make our own decisions that benefit us personally in our lives.
So coming full circle in life now? I feel like I'm starting over again. It may be a good thing.
On a recent night out with a hearing friend of mine, he asked me how I would sum up my life now. I told him: There are some things I'm happy of, some things I'm sad for, regrets are by the bushels, and anything else is just the way it is.
When he asked what I look forward to in life, I told him: though I'm content now, I hate to think of a few things: Heart attack, Heart Disease, Stroke, Alzheimer's disease, and death. I told him that if I were to suffer a very bad stroke or have Alzheimer's disease, just do me a favor: take me out to the woods and compassionately kill me. He would have my letter of pardon on him for his sake. But, I am asking God for compassion of what is in store for the remainder of my days on this earth.
It may not be a perfect world, but what ever you do is what it is.
Have a good weekend.
Semper FI.
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