Monday, January 28, 2008

Memories again.

G'day Everyone!

Today, I was reading my morning paper when my favorite article came up in Annie's Mailbox. (that was renamed after Ann Landers died long ago.).
Here's the link to the January 28th column:

When I read the article about a 15 year old boy, Alex, who has a friend, who "might be gay", brought back memories of my early teen years. Just as it is now, as was in the 1970s, there are parents who try to impress their children to stay sexually pure. Parents want their kids to stay innocent enough so that by the time they're "mature adults", they'll be ready for all the "fun filled adult stuff" to understand of. Hearing this happening today brought back one of my worst days back in Junior High School. Back in the 1970s it was still taboo to for young kid to be gay.

It was at a time I was just discovering myself (sexually). I had just started the mainstream program in my Junior High school area as a Deaf Freshman. It wasn't long that I found a girl that I was interested in and started kissing her in the library. (just like Alex's friend had been interested with another boy and kissed him).

Just like Alex's friend, I was caught and hauled off to my counselor. I was given a lecture that I was in a mainstream program and that he didn't any funny stuff going on around his school. Then he called my parents and sent home.

I remember that day of being lectured on sex over and over and over again. It was fear that was put into me while I was grounded as well. Just as much as my dad didn't want me to be gay (His worst dream would come true later), my dad wanted to see kids come from me, but he didn't want me to mess up my life so early. He said "if you fuck a girl without a condom, you'll have kids you are not ready for if you don't have a job!". He said that in a ROUGH way.

You know, that kind of talk made me decide to be Bi-sexual for a while, but I made a decision to try to please my father. I wanted to be married. I had every hope and dream of being married to a girl and having kids.

As I said before, the certain people in my former deaf ministry made every effort to prevent me from being married, as they were directed by my deaf pastor's wife. Is it no wonder that I made that same effort to end his job to take his wife out of power and influence? But, it also ended that deaf ministry as well.

All my dreams of being married ended in the 1990s. My father and I talked before he died and he said: " If I hadn't yelled and screamed at you as your counselor suggested, you might have ended up being happier with a girl. Just the same as I didn't want to see my own fears projected on you.". My dad wanted me to bring that boy that I had in my bed to his funeral. I told him I couldn't because he and mom had argued about it. He looked at me and hugged me. He said "Whatever you aspire to do personally for yourself, do what makes you happy".

Today, there are kids who are discovering their own sexual interests. Parents are going through their own fears and insecurities. Sex education in the schools is NOT ENOUGH. Religious pastors are too strict on their own members of their congregation as they judge roughly about sexual purity in the family.

It's for that reason that is needed to help all families deal with the problems of their kids growing up gay and lesbian. It's not a perfect world out there. But their are kids are exploring themselves to understand their sexual desires. To punish them for their sexual curiosity will result in complex problems later on (just as I had). They need instruction and guidance now because if they want to be gay or lesbian for life, then need to know what to do to be happy.

Parents, please.. talk to your kids in a non-threatening way. Have an open and frank discussion. Let the kids ask the questions about sex when they are ready . They're the ones trying to find their way in life. With proper guidance from parents in the right way, they'll grow up better.

Lastly, I hope Alex in the Annie's Mailbox gets outside help for his family. He really needs that.

Semper FI.

1 comment:

Jim said...

Geez, how can hanging around gay people be contagious? There isn't any disease involved in it. Nobody gets sick hangs around gay people. I have been to a gay bar and so what. Does it change my lifestyle seeing that? Nope. But the Father needs to educated that it is okay for his son to be with his friend. They have been friends since they are 5 years old. So what is the Father going to say if they become friends again in college? That could happen down the road. What a sad story but thanks for sharing that plus your experience. I am glad your Father accept you as you were before he passed away.